Would you like to eat whatever you want and still lose weight? Who wouldn’t? Keep dreaming, imbecile.
In the meantime, if you’d like to read something that alternates between laugh-out-loud-funny and apocalyptically angry, keep holding this book. Steal it if necessary.
In his latest collection of rants, raves, hastily spluttered articles and scarcely literate scrawl, Charlie Brooker proves that there is almost nothing in this universe, big or small, that can’t reduce a human being to a state of pure blind hatred.
It won’t help you lose weight, feel smarter, sleep more soundly, or feel happier about yourself. It WILL provide you with literally hours of distraction and merriment. It can also be used to stun an intruder, if you hit him with it correctly (hint: strike hard, using the spine, on the bridge of the nose).
Buy this hilarious book from the award-winning writer and broadcaster for £1.09 today.
Click here to purchase I Can Make You Hate
You know the music… but do you know the man?
Ludwig van Beethoven’s life — its dramas, conflicts, loves and losses, his deafness coupled with continuous health problems, his epic struggle with his sister-in-law for sole custody of her son, his nephew — is played out in his music.
Now John Suchet has portrayed the real man behind the music in this compelling biography of a musical genius. He reveals a difficult and complex character.
This is not the god-like immortal portrayed in statues and paintings in heroic pose garlanded with laurel leaves. Beethoven may have been one of the greatest artists who ever lived, but he was still a man who had to live among fellow mortals, eat and drink, fall in love, pay his rent. This is the real Beethoven, and Suchet brings him effortlessly to life. Buy this biography today for only 99p.
Click here to purchase Beethoven: The Man Revealed
In But Enough About Me, legendary film actor and Hollywood superstar Burt Reynolds recalls the people who shaped his life and career, for better or for worse. From Robert Altman, Cary Grant, Clint Eastwood and Robert Mitchum to Bette Davis, Marlon Brando, Woody Allen and Kirsty Alley, Burt pays homage to those he loves and respected, acknowledges those who’ve stayed loyal, and calls out the assholes he can’t forgive.
But Enough About Me is a gripping and eye-opening story of one of cinema’s true greats. Buy this memoir today for £1.99. Audiobook: £3.99.
Click here to purchase But Enough About Me
How to turn forty:
1. Set yourself a personal challenge.
2. Clear wardrobe of all age inappropriate clothing.
How not to turn forty:
1. Have a complete meltdown . . .
High flier Matt Beckford’s sole ambition is to turn forty with his life sorted. And with a Porsche on the drive and a job that requires him to spend more time in BA’s club lounge than his own lounge, it looks like things are going in the right direction. But when Matt’s wife unexpectedly calls time on their marriage, a chain of events is set in motion that very quickly sees him facing forty broke, homeless and completely alone.
But all is not lost because Matt has a plan . . .
Buy this humourous novel about a man turning forty for only 99p today. Audiobook: £3.49.
Click here to purchase Turning Forty
The Monarchy has been dismantled.
When a Republican party wins the General Election, their first act in power is to strip the royal family of their assets and titles and send them to live on a housing estate in the Midlands.
Exchanging Buckingham Palace for a two-bedroomed semi in Hell Close (as the locals dub it), caviar for boiled eggs, servants for a social worker named Trish, the Queen and her family learn what it means to be poor among the great unwashed. But is their breeding sufficient to allow them to rise above their changed circumstance or deep down are they really just like everyone else?
Buy this humourous novel for only £1.99 today. Audiobook: £3.99.
Click here to purchase The Queen and I
Harriet Manners knows a lot of facts.
She knows that humans have 70,000 thoughts per day.
She knows that Geek + Model = a whole new set of graffiti on your belongings.
And that the average person eats a ton of food a year, though her pregnant stepmother is doing her best to beat this.
But Harriet doesn’t know where she’s going to fit in once the new baby arrives. And with her summer plans ruined, modelling in Japan seems the perfect chance to get away.
Can Harriet cope with the craziness of Tokyo, her competitive model flatmates and her errant grandmother’s ‘chaperoning’. Or seeing gorgeous Nick everywhere she goes?
Will geek girl find her place on the other side of the world?
Buy this fun and humourous novel for teens and adults for only 99p today.
Click here to purchase Model Misfit
Coward, scoundrel, lover and cheat, but there is no better man to go into the jungle with. Join Flashman in his adventures as he survives fearful ordeals and outlandish perils across the four corners of the world.
Expelled from Rugby for drunkenness, and none too welcome at home after seducing his father’s mistress, the young Flashman embarks on a military career with Lord Cardigan’s Hussars.
En route to Afghanistan, our hero hones his skills as a soldier, duellist, imposter, coward and amorist (mastering all 97 ways of Hindu love-making during a brief sojourn in Calcutta), before being pressed into reluctant service as a secret agent. His Afghan adventures culminate in a starring role in that great historic disaster, the Retreat from Kabul.
Buy this historical fiction comedy novel that is the first in the series for £1.99 today.
Click here to purchase Flashman
Charlotte Crosby has been one of the UK’s best-loved TV stars since she burst onto the celeb scene in 2011 with Geordie Shore. Laugh-out-loud hilarious, genuine, and a proper Geordie, Charlotte’s popularity has even seen her crowned winner of 2013’s Celebrity Big Brother.
With her trademark humour and warmth, in ME ME ME Charlotte takes us on a very unique journey through her eventful teenage years (where literally nothing is off limits!), her attempts at holding down jobs (and booze), the life-changing experience of Geordie Shore, the truth about Gaz and his parsnip, and her inspiring weight-loss triumph.
Full of drawings, doodles, and Charlotte’s personal photos, this will be unlike any other celebrity autobiography on the market. Extremely personal, insanely honest and pant-wettingly funny. Buy this book today for only 99p.
Click here to purchase ME ME ME
Edith Lavery is a woman on the make. The attractive only child of a middle-class accountant, she leaves behind her dull job in a Chelsea estate agents and manages to bag one of the most eligible bachelors of the day – Charles Broughton, heir to the Marquess of Uckfield.
But is life amongst the upper echelons of ‘good’ society all that it seems? Edith soon discovers there’s much more to the aristocracy than dancing in Anabel’s, shooting small birds and understanding which fork to use at dinner. And then there is Charles’s mother, the indomitable Lady Uckfield, or ‘Googie’ to her friends, who is none too pleased with her son’s choice of breeding partner.
With twists and turns aplenty, this is a comical tale worthy of a contemporary Jane Austen. Buy this summer read for £1.99 today. Audiobook: £2.99.
Click here to purchase Snobs
In December 2014 Caroline Flack danced her way into the nation’s hearts when she raised the BBC’s coveted Strictly Come Dancing Glitterball. Known for her throaty laugh, edgy humour and quick-fire wit, showcased on some of Britain’s most popular spin-off shows, 2015 saw her thrust into the mainstream, hosting ITV’s flagship talent show, The X Factor, with Olly Murs.
In Storm in a C Cup, Caroline reveals the laughter and pain behind the TV persona, from a sheltered Norfolk childhood shared with her twin sister, through her madcap student days, to the challenging career ladder leading to eventual TV success, not forgetting its dark shadow, when intrusive media attention turned the dream into a nightmare.
Buy this autobiography for only 99p today.
Click here to purchase Storm in a C Cup